did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
