Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
