I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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