Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Sorry about my life...
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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