It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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