If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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