I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
