ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
