My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
