we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
