He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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