suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
