Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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