I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
