i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
