Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
