btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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