before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Randomize