I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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