I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
