I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize