She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
