I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
