My liver just broke up with me...
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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