ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
