Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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