we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
