tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
