Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I want her autograph on my taint
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
