On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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