and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
