I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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