how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
