I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Found the puke drawer
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
