just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
