do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
The best revenge is premature balding
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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