First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
