I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
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