just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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