He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
