end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
