i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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