you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
