6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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