My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
