i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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