I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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