It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I checked into jail on foursquare
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
