I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
