I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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