Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
