member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize