I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
