honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
