Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
