Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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