I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
