what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
