Yo dont text me then not text me
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
