i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
