the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
