Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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