you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
