So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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