We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
