last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize