the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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