How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
