Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
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