Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Randomize
