Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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