I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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