Yo dont text me then not text me
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
